Doesn't that sound like fun? Let's get down to it, people.

Summer is the glorious time for shows that are so good, networks waited all year to start showing them on a Thursday night at 9. And that's where I'm starting - "Hit Me Baby One More Time" is thrillingly awful. The premise: your (YOUR) favorite 80s music icons (Howard Jones, Irene Cara, Vanilla Ice, Lawndale, Naked Raygun, etc) come out and do their hit song in front of an adenoidal throng who have no idea who those seniors onstage are, and then they come back and cover a popular hit of today. The audience votes somehow, possibly via telepathy, and the winner gets $20G donated to a charity of their choice. Vanilla Ice cheated - and won! - on one show. He came back and did an alleged cover of Destiny's Child's song "Survivor," but really it was just some shitty metal-rap where he said "survivor" four times at the beginning and then went on to break it down for the people how awesome he is (note to self: audiences enjoy that). At least his charity, the Vanilla Ice Foundation To Buy Some Motorcyles and Shit, got paid. But the main/only reason to watch this show is the host, who is absolutely, totally Alan Partridge's son Fernando (I don't even know what his real name is). This is a must for fans of "Knowing Me Knowing You" and "I'm Alan Partridge," no excuses, you have to see him to believe him. Once. And then never speak of this again. A-haa!

(Click the remote control to continue.)